This post was meant for Thursday. I was at my brother's that night and got caught up in playing with the kids and talking so I didn't have a chance to finish it. Now that I have, I'm posting it. It is certainly the longest post I've had thus far, so if you wish to read it, prepare yourself. I thought about cutting it down but then I realized it might be nice to have the story in it's entirety when I'm feeling like a bad teacher someday! ;)
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I
had a phenomenal afternoon at school today.
The
morning went really well in Room 29. I was worried about some serious
Halloween candy hangovers, but everybody seemed to be in good spirits. I
lead a fun morning meeting where we practiced respectful disagreement and
played a game called "Fiddlesticks" where we said the word in a funny
way and tried to get each other to laugh. Reading was mostly uneventful,
but I wrote my first ever sub plans! I have two reading groups that meet
with me on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Tomorrow morning our teaching
team is taking the morning off for planning, so I had to type up some
independent work for the kids to do and leave notes for the sub about what they
should be doing. I'm looking forward to a productive few hours, but I
have the sort of motherly feeling where you feel like you need to prep the
babysitter before you go out for the night. I'm worried about them!
I'm also anxious about The Wanderer... he'll have a hard time not having any of
the adults he normally goes to if he needs something. We've prepped the
support staff for our absence and talked him through it. I guess we'll
find out tomorrow afternoon how things went. Hoping for the best!
So, about the breakthrough... I had the
best moment to date with The Wanderer this afternoon!
When
he came back in from lunch/recess, I could tell that he was off. He came
in late, and then when I went with another student to meet in the hallway to
catch up on writing, he followed. I said, "What's up? How was
recess?" No response. At this point, he was sitting in his
locker with his head buried in a puffy vest. He said, "Can you see
me?" I said, "Umm, nope. Hard to see you when you're
hiding behind your vest." I asked again, "Is everything
alright? Something happen at recess?" He kept asking me if I
could see him while he was hiding in his locker. At this point, I was
feeling frustrated. Sometimes I feel like he just monopolizes adult
attention and takes advantage of the fact that I'll talk to him for a
significant portion of class time. He got out of the locker, said,
"Can we take a walk?" I said, "Maybe. But first, you
need to tell me what's going on. I'm not going to take a walk unless
there is a reason we need to." He said, "Why? Why can't
we just take a walk?" while he huffed and puffed and walked
away. A minute later, he was back. "Can't we just go for a
walk?" I said, "Mrs. R is in doing a read aloud right now and I
need to meet with a student. If you can tell me what is going on and tell
me that we need to take a walk, maybe we will." Again, frustration
and some "oh my gooood-ness" statements. I chose to wait it
out. As I was meeting with the student about writing, TW mostly kept to
himself, but interjected on our conversations at some points. I did my
best to ignore him because a) I really needed to meet with this student and b)
it made me feel like he was just trying to get my attention.
After
I was done with the student, I tried to talk to him again. This time, he
talked. He said, "Some girls, ah, well they be callin' me stupid and
ugly." I said, "I'm sorry about that. When did that
happen? At recess? Did you tell any adults at recess?"
"No, it happened when we was walkin' in." I asked him how that
made him feel. He said that he was mad. I asked him which students
it was and he told me the names of two girls in another 2/3 section. I
told him that I'd go try to find out more information but that I wanted him to
stay here. The last thing I needed was him getting all up in the girls'
face before I had gotten both sides of the story. He fought me on it (no
surprise there, he does this always) and said that he wanted to go with
me. He said, "But you're gonna forget! You're not gonna talk
to them. You're gonna forget!" He always questions me when I
say things like, "I'll come back and we can do it later." or
"I'm really going to miss you!" or "I really want you to join
us." Not sure what that's all about. Anyway, I managed to
convince him that we could talk about it later.
Then
I went and talked to the girls in the other classroom individually. They
essentially told me that TW had been swinging around a necklace and it was
bothering them. They asked him to stop, he didn't, and then they called
him ugly and stupid. I headed back to my classroom where TW and his
classmates were doing a math scavenger hunt. At first, he was
disinterested and wanted to know if I had found anything out. Eventually,
I got him back on task and he finished out the lesson. He asked me
several times if he could go talk to the girls. I insisted that we wait
until recess because it didn't seem fair to take away instructional time for
him or for the girls. A couple of minutes before recess, I pulled him out
of class. As we were walking to the other classroom, I said, "What
are you going to say to the girls?" He quickly and calmly replied,
"I am going to tell them that I'm sorry for bugging them with the
necklace." Whaaat?! An apology that quick? I was still
skeptical.
As
we approached the other classroom, TW was hiding behind a file cabinet. I
brought the girls out and told them that TW was feeling strong and powerful and
that he had something to tell them. He walked up and said, "I wanted to
say I'm sorry for buggin' you and flinging around my necklace.” They said, “That’s okay.” At this point, I tried not to over
facilitate, but the girls didn’t say anything else. I said, “Do you girls have anything you’d like to say?” One said, “Thank you.” The other said, “I’m sorry for hitting
you.” Seeing as she didn’t hit
him, I said, “Do you remember what TW was feeling sad about? That’s what you should apologize for.” Thankfully, one of them stepped up and
said, “I’m sorry for calling you ugly and stupid.” Then I asked both parties if they were satisfied and they
all nodded. I had them look each
other in the eye and shake hands as a truce.
As
TW and I walked away, I was ecstatic.
I said, “How do you feel?!”
He said, “I feel good. That
was fast!” I took the opportunity
to remind him that every conflict doesn’t have to last for a whole day or any
more than ten minutes. I said, “It
was so fast because you stepped up and decided to own up to your mistakes. Instead of just keeping quiet and being
mad, you fixed it. I am so proud
of you!!” I’m pretty sure I gave
him five hugs on the walk back to the classroom. This was a HUGE step for my boy!
The
longest post ever is complete. I
had to include the whole story as I remembered it though because my heart was
so swelled with pride that it hurt.
It is moments like these that remind me why I want to be a teacher so
badly. Without the love and
support of adults, kids can’t be expected to do amazing things like this. I feel fortunate to be that person for
this young man!
TW’s biggest fan,
Ms.
T
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